Gym passed quickly as I watched Mike's one-man badminton show. He didn't speak to me today, either in response to my vacant expression or because he was still angry about our squabble yesterday. Somewhere, in a corner of my mind, I felt bad about that. But I couldn't concentrate on him.
I hurried to change afterward, ill at ease, knowing the faster I moved, the sooner I would be with Edward. The pressure made me more clumsy than usual, but eventually I made it out the door, feeling the same release when I saw him standing there, a wide smile automatically spreading across my face. He smiled in reaction before launching into more cross-examination.
His questions were different now, though, not as easily answered. He wanted to know what I missed about home, insisting on descriptions of anything he wasn't familiar with. We sat in front of Charlie's house for hours, as the sky darkened and rain plummeted around us in a sudden deluge.
I tried to describe impossible things like the scent of creosote —bitter, slightly resinous, but still pleasant — the high, keening sound of the cicadas in July, the feathery barrenness of the trees, the very size of the sky, extending white-blue from horizon to horizon, barely interrupted by the low mountains covered with purple volcanic rock. The hardest thing to explain was why it was so beautiful to me — to justify a beauty that didn't depend on the sparse, spiny vegetation that often looked half dead, a beauty that had more to do with the exposed shape of the land, with the shallow bowls of valleys between the craggy hills, and the way they held on to the sun. I found myself using my hands as I tried to describe it to him.
His quiet, probing questions kept me talking freely, forgetting, in the dim light of the storm, to be embarrassed for monopolizing the conversation. Finally, when I had finished detailing my cluttered room at home, he paused instead of responding with another question.
Squabble 争吵
ill at ease 不安的
deluge 暴雨
creosote 杂酚油
resinous 树脂的
keening 哀号
cicada 蝉
monopolize 垄断
体育课在我观看迈克的羽毛球个人秀中很快就过去了。他今天没有跟我说话,也没有对我空白的表情作出任何反应,也许他还在为我们昨天的口角生着闷气。在我心底一角的某处,我对此感觉很糟。但我没法把注意力集中在他身上。
之后,我不安地赶去换衣服,知道我的动作越快,我就能越早和爱德华待在一起。这种压迫感使得我比平时还有笨手笨脚,但最终我冲出门口,和上次一样宽慰地看到他站在那里,一个大大的笑容下意识地浮现在我脸上。作为回应,他微笑起来,然后开始新一轮狂热的交互讯问。
不过,他现在的问题变得不一样了,不再那么容易回答了。他想知道我想念着家里的什么事物,坚持要我描述出任何他不熟悉的部分。我们坐在查理的房子前,坐了好几个小时,直到天黑下来,骤然泛滥的雨水笔直地落在我们周围。
我试图描述出一些根本没法形容的食物,像是木馏油的香味——发苦的,有点像树脂,但还是很亲切——七月里尖锐凄厉的蝉鸣,柔软如鸿毛的无叶树(仙人掌),广阔无垠的天空,那种发白的蓝色从一侧的地平线一直延伸到另一侧的地平线,极少被覆满了紫色火山岩的低矮的山丘阻断。最难解释的事情是为什么我会觉得它们如此美丽——定义一种并非基于稀稀落落的,多刺的,经常看上去半死不活的植被的美丽,一种与大地裸路的形状,与崎岖的山谷间浅浅的有如碗状的山谷,与他们在太阳底下绵延的方式毫无关系的美丽。当我努力向他解释时,我发现自己常常得用上手势。
他安静的,尖锐的提问让我自由自在地说着话,在暴风雨中微弱的光线里,完全忘记了要为自己垄断了所有的对话而窘迫不安。最终,当我描述完我在家里的那个乱糟糟的房间以后,他停了下来,没有再提出下一个问题。